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Time English Language 2 Action
00:12
A few years ago,
00:13
I got one of those spam emails.
00:17
And it managed to get through my spam filter.
00:19
I'm not quite sure how, but it turned up in my inbox,
00:22
and it was from a guy called Solomon Odonkoh.
00:24
(Laughter)
00:26
I know.
00:27
(Laughter)
00:28
It went like this:
00:29
it said, "Hello James Veitch,
00:31
I have an interesting business proposal I want to share with you, Solomon."
00:36
Now, my hand was kind of hovering on the delete button, right?
00:39
I was looking at my phone. I thought, I could just delete this.
00:42
Or I could do what I think we've all always wanted to do.
00:46
(Laughter)
00:50
And I said, "Solomon, Your email intrigues me."
00:52
(Laughter)
00:55
(Applause)
01:00
And the game was afoot.
01:05
He said, "Dear James Veitch, We shall be shipping Gold to you."
01:08
(Laughter)
01:10
"You will earn 10% of any gold you distributes."
01:13
(Laughter)
01:15
So I knew I was dealing with a professional.
01:17
(Laughter)
01:22
I said, "How much is it worth?"
01:25
He said, "We will start with smaller quantity," --
01:27
I was like, aww --
01:28
and then he said, "of 25 kgs.
01:31
(Laughter)
01:34
The worth should be about $2.5 million."
01:39
I said, "Solomon, if we're going to do it, let's go big.
01:42
(Applause)
01:50
I can handle it. How much gold do you have?"
01:54
(Laughter)
01:57
He said, "It is not a matter of how much gold I have,
02:00
what matters is your capability of handling.
02:02
We can start with 50 kgs as trial shipment."
02:04
I said, "50 kgs?
02:06
There's no point doing this at all
02:08
unless you're shipping at least a metric ton."
02:10
(Laughter)
02:11
(Applause)
02:15
He said, "What do you do for a living?"
02:17
(Laughter)
02:20
I said, "I'm a hedge fund executive bank manager."
02:22
(Laughter)
02:27
This isn't the first time I've shipped bullion, my friend,
02:29
no no no.
02:32
Then I started to panic.
02:34
I was like, "Where are you based?"
02:35
I don't know about you,
02:37
but I think if we're going via the postal service,
02:39
it ought to be signed for.
02:40
That's a lot of gold."
02:42
He said, "It will not be easy to convince my company
02:45
to do larger quantity shipment."
02:46
I said, "Solomon, I'm completely with you on this one.
02:49
I'm putting together a visual for you to take into the board meeting.
02:52
Hold tight."
02:54
(Laughter)
03:01
This is what I sent Solomon.
03:03
(Laughter)
03:05
(Applause)
03:11
I don't know if we have any statisticians in the house,
03:14
but there's definitely something going on.
03:16
(Laughter)
03:19
I said, "Solomon, attached to this email you'll find a helpful chart.
03:23
I've had one of my assistants run the numbers.
03:25
(Laughter)
03:27
We're ready for shipping as much gold as possible."
03:30
There's always a moment where they try to tug your heartstrings,
03:33
and this was it for Solomon.
03:34
He said, "I will be so much happy if the deal goes well,
03:37
because I'm going to get a very good commission as well."
03:40
And I said, "That's amazing, What are you going to spend your cut on?"
03:43
And he said, "On RealEstate, what about you?"
03:46
I thought about it for a long time.
03:50
And I said, "One word;
03:53
Hummus."
03:54
(Laughter)
04:00
"It's going places.
04:01
(Laughter)
04:03
I was in Sainsbury's the other day
04:05
and there were like 30 different varieties.
04:07
Also you can cut up carrots, and you can dip them.
04:10
Have you ever done that, Solomon?"
04:11
(Laughter)
04:14
He said, "I have to go bed now."
04:16
(Laughter)
04:18
(Applause)
04:21
"Till morrow.
04:24
Have sweet dream."
04:25
I didn't know what to say!
04:27
I said, "Bonsoir my golden nugget, bonsoir."
04:30
(Laughter)
04:33
Guys, you have to understand, this had been going for, like, weeks,
04:36
albeit hitherto the greatest weeks of my life,
04:38
but I had to knock it on the head.
04:40
It was getting a bit out of hand.
04:41
Friends were saying, "James, do you want to come for a drink?"
04:44
I was like, "I can't, I'm expecting an email about some gold."
04:47
So I figured I had to knock it on the head.
04:50
I had to take it to a ridiculous conclusion.
04:52
So I concocted a plan.
04:53
I said, "Solomon, I'm concerned about security.
04:55
When we email each other,
04:56
we need to use a code."
05:00
And he agreed.
05:01
(Laughter)
05:03
I said, "Solomon, I spent all night coming up with this code
05:06
we need to use in all further correspondence:
05:08
Lawyer: Gummy Bear.
05:13
Bank: Cream Egg.
05:16
Legal: Fizzy Cola Bottle. Claim: Peanut M&Ms.
05:18
Documents: Jelly Beans.
05:20
Western Union: A Giant Gummy Lizard."
05:22
(Laughter)
05:24
I knew these were all words they use, right?
05:26
I said, "Please call me Kitkat in all further correspondence."