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Time English Language 2 Action
00:00
Translator: Vicky Lara Labaila Reviewer: Denise RQ
00:14
It's been said if you never want to have sex again, get married.
00:20
(Laughter)
00:22
Sex is one of the most contentious issues in marriage today,
00:27
second only to finances.
00:30
There are many married couples
00:32
that have not had sex for months, even years,
00:35
and that's OK as long as they are OK with it and happily married.
00:40
The problem arises when one person in the relationship wants sex,
00:46
and the other doesn't.
00:48
According to a national newspaper survey of approximately 10,000 respondents
00:54
- mostly married men -
00:55
75% were satisfied in their relationship,
01:00
but more than 50% were dissatisfied with their sex lives.
01:05
We are having sex - don't get me wrong -
01:08
we are just having sex at the wrong time, and with the wrong people;
01:12
I'll get to that later.
01:14
(Laughter)
01:16
We are having sex before we get married, ten years on average,
01:21
so we are effectively in a long-term relationship
01:25
and potentially, quite sexually bored before we even mess up the marital bed.
01:32
And that has its consequences.
01:34
Most brides today do not have sex on their wedding nights,
01:39
and 50% of men would not have married their spouse
01:43
had they known their marriage was going to be sexless.
01:49
So, everybody wants to know
01:51
just how much sex are married people having
01:54
whether they are in heterosexual relationships or same-sex unions.
01:59
You all want to know what's going on at the Joneses; well, not much.
02:03
(Laughter)
02:07
Only about 7% of married couples set the sheets ablaze.
02:13
Most married couples have sex
02:17
a little bit more than once a week for the first decade of their marriage.
02:21
It decreases after that.
02:23
So they have sex about 58 times a year.
02:26
And 20% of marriages meet the criteria as a sexless marriage,
02:32
and that, defined by the experts, is sex less than ten times a year.
02:39
So why aren't we having sex in our marriages?
02:43
There's a little-known chemical in the brain
02:46
conveniently called PEA or 'PEA, '
02:49
and it's responsible for the elation, the excitement, and the euphoria
02:56
that you feel when you meet somebody that you are sexually interested in.
03:03
It's a fantastic feeling.
03:05
This chemical is gorging through your blood vessels.
03:09
You are so happy; that's how powerful this little chemical is.
03:14
But what happens after two years
03:17
is that chemical diminishes as does sexual frequency.
03:21
That's just about the time
03:23
you might get married or may have conflict in your relationship,
03:27
and that is why communication is key to great sex.
03:31
There is another reason
03:33
we are not having sex in our relationship,
03:36
and that has to do with the sex education that we provide.
03:41
I'd like to share a story about myself.
03:44
When I was a teenager, my mother came racing into my bedroom, and she said,
03:48
"Maureen, please, tell me
03:50
you have not allowed a boy to French-kiss you."
03:54
She was feeling terrible that the sex education came a bit late.
03:58
And I was feeling horrifically guilty, as an Irish Catholic girl,
04:02
that I'd French-kissed a number of boys
04:04
(Laughter)
04:06
by that stage.
04:10
We teach girls and women
04:11
that sex is dirty, and sex is bad, or it's over rated.
04:16
We say, "You're just going to get a sexual-transmitted infection anyway,"
04:19
or, "You may get pregnant!"
04:20
This whole fear-base thing frightens women from enjoying sex,
04:24
and we never talk about pleasure or orgasm with girls and women.
04:29
And in fact, some women say, "Orgasm's not important,"
04:34
and that the journey is just as good as the destination.
04:38
I disagree.
04:39
(Laughter)
04:40
Of course.
04:42
I am the one who French-kissed all the boys, as an Irish Catholic girl.
04:45
(Laughter)
04:47
(Applause)
04:50
It's like getting on a train with your lover,
04:54
and you are going to the most pleasurable place on the planet.
04:58
You are so excited.
05:00
You are getting lubed up with all the free drinks they are giving you.
05:04
This is amazing!
05:06
And just before you reach your destination,
05:09
he gets off, and you don't.
05:11
(Laughter)
05:13
You get my point.
05:14
(Laughter)
05:16
(Applause)
05:20
The sex education we have for boys and men:
05:24
that's entirely different.
05:26
It's a global program, it's free, it's accessible to everybody,
05:31
and it's known as internet pornography.
05:35
Fantastic!
05:36
And it does nothing to teach men and boys about intimacy
05:41
which is really important to men and boys,
05:44
or how to make love to anybody.
05:49
Also, we have a paucity of information about sexual health
05:54
for LGBTQI community,
05:58
and we need to add to that.
06:01
Marriage can rapidly go from a holy matrimony to holy hell
06:05
with the finances, the kids, the houses, the illness.
06:10
I mean, you may have signed up for sickness and health,
06:12
but that was long before you'd ever witnessed a man cold.
06:15
(Laughter)
06:17
And...
06:18
(Laughter)
06:21
And how about that richer or poorer thing?
06:23
Ladies, we are going to have to start going for richer.
06:26
Most women today are working inside and outside of the home.
06:32
We are doing the lion's share of the housework
06:34
because according to research, men don't feel they are that good at it.
06:38
And we are bridging the gap
06:41
between growing children and aging parents.
06:44
We are exhausted doing it all and never doing it.
06:48
And when we are doing it, we are checking our smartphones.
06:52
10% of people check their smartphones during sex
06:56
(Laughter)
06:58
35% immediately afterward.
07:03
We are connected to the Internet
07:07
(Laughter)
07:11
(Cheers) (Applause)