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Time English Language 2 Action
00:00
Transcriber: María Constanza Cuevas Reviewer: Tanya Cushman
00:10
(Referee whistle sound)
00:12
Good evening!
00:14
Good evening. How are you?
00:16
Are you good? Great!
00:18
Welcome, welcome, welcome to this match.
00:21
This match will take exactly 18 minutes.
00:25
OK? And you're all part of the same team:
00:28
Mechelen.
00:30
OK?
00:31
Hey guys, I would like to see fair play on the field,
00:34
respect and positivity.
00:37
Is that OK for everyone?
00:40
Cool.
00:41
Good luck!
00:43
One year ago, I decided I wanted to become a football referee.
00:48
Not because of the money, though.
00:51
I only get paid 20 euros per match.
00:53
So I won't really get rich by it, will I?
00:56
No. I decided to become a referee for two other reasons.
01:02
One - to stay in good shape.
01:05
Two - because I wanted to learn how not to take things personally.
01:11
[How not to take things personally?]
01:14
I can see some people nodding.
01:15
You are probably thinking,
01:17
"Being a referee is the perfect environment
01:20
to learn how not to take things personally, isn't it?"
01:23
Because the spectators hardly ever shout encouraging or positive things.
01:29
No. What do they shout?
01:30
Come on, come on.
01:31
[Audience:] "Loser! Are you blind?"
01:33
Yeah, yeah, good!
01:36
As a referee, I am the scapegoat.
01:39
Apparently, I'm always wrong.
01:41
It's always my fault.
01:44
And I wanted to learn how not to take all this personally.
01:51
Because I really struggle with this.
01:54
For example, when I drive slowly
01:56
because I'm trying to find a specific location
02:00
and somebody is just driving behind me,
02:03
I feel hunted.
02:05
Especially when they start honking and flashing their headlights,
02:10
I take it personally.
02:11
I know I shouldn't, but it just happens.
02:16
Do you see what I mean?
02:19
Or when somebody cancels an appointment last minute,
02:22
I get the feeling that I'm not important enough.
02:25
Again, I take it personally.
02:30
Even professionally.
02:31
I'm a public speaker, like tonight.
02:33
This is what I do.
02:34
I give keynote speeches, and I really like it
02:37
as long as I can draw my audience into my story.
02:41
Because the very moment I see somebody is not paying attention -
02:46
for example, when somebody is looking at his smartphone -
02:49
(snap) it just happens:
02:52
I take it personally.
02:54
Relax!
02:55
You are safe tonight. Don't worry.
02:58
Feel free to take your smartphones,
03:00
and you can even start talking to your neighbor.
03:02
I will not take it personally.
03:04
Why not?
03:06
Because now, here and now, I'm very conscious that this can happen.
03:10
And more importantly, I have a strategy to deal with it.
03:15
So tonight, I would like to share this strategy with you.
03:19
Are you interested?
03:21
Cool.
03:23
Because, I guess, I'm not the only person in this room
03:26
who sometimes takes things personally, right?
03:30
Imagine -
03:32
imagine you invite a friend to go to the movies, and she replies,
03:35
"Oh, sorry, I have to work."
03:37
But you see a picture on social media
03:41
of her having dinner with some friends that very night!
03:47
Or imagine you really have worked very hard on a project.
03:50
You're really proud of the end result,
03:53
but the only thing you get is criticism.
03:57
So you come home,
03:58
and you would like to wind down and share this terrible experience.
04:03
But while you're telling your story,
04:05
the other one walks away to switch on the TV.
04:09
Now, who would take one of these situations personally?
04:13
Show me hands, come on.
04:15
Lots of you.
04:18
Why?
04:19
Why do we take things personally?
04:22
Somebody says or does something and bam!
04:25
We feel hurt, neglected, offended, betrayed by the other one.
04:30
That's what we believe, though.
04:32
It's the other person's fault.
04:34
He's responsible for what we feel.
04:36
He's the one to blame.
04:38
Now, hang on, hang on.
04:40
Who says that?
04:42
Which part of us is speaking?
04:44
[Why?]
04:45
[Ego]
04:46
It's our ego.
04:48
Our ego thinks that others should take us into consideration.
04:53
Our ego doesn't want to be criticized, hell no!
04:56
Our ego wants to be acknowledged:
04:58
"I'm right!"
05:02
Is this what you want?
05:04
Do you want to be right?
05:06
[Do you want to be right?]
05:08
(Sigh)
05:09
That's exhausting.
05:10
When my ego takes over, I'm fighting all day.
05:13
I'm in a constant struggle with the rest of the world.
05:17
And it drains my energy.
05:19
Wouldn't it be so much easier to not take things personally?
05:24
Because then no one has power over you.
05:28
You're free.
05:29
You experience much more harmony and connection
05:31
between you and other people.
05:33
Of course!
05:34
Because your energy can go towards nice things
05:38
instead of endlessly battling against the things that drive you crazy.
05:43
So the question is